*taps mic*

... Is this thing on?

It's obviously been a bit since I posted anything other than the Man Calendar. I don't really want to come at you with excuses, but the fact of the matter is that this blog has gotten pushed down my neverending list of things that I need to do—and, in complete honesty, things that I want to do.

I love this space. I don't want to call it quits. But I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. I'm giving it some thought, but it might take me a while to come up with something grand and exciting. So consider this post a past-due announcement of an indefinite hiatus (with the exception of the Man Calendar; those will go up on time as usual).

In addition to a "state of the blog," I also wanted to play a bit of catch-up here. My backlog of series updates has become a bit daunting; consider this a lightning round.

Deadpool 2	Solo	Ocean's 8
★★★★	★★	★★★★½
Hey Ricky Baker! Wade vs. Cable Ness deserved better	Nicholson, not Ford Pretty unnecessary Chewie is my fave	Holy hot ladies Great sequel to the franchise Danny Ocean who?

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom	Ant-Man and the Wasp	Skyscraper
★★★	★★★★½	★★★
Life finds a way (again) Justice for the dinosaurs No one learns lessons	Badass girl power Much-needed MCU laughs Stinger, though—HOW DARE	The Rock saves the day Do not watch if you hate heights Not much dialogue

Crazy Rich Asians	A Simple Favor
★★★★	★★★
Delightful rom-com Crazy beautiful people I want more like this	Unexpected plot Unexpectedly funny Not like the trailer

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You can find all the books I read on Goodreads, but here are some specific shelves:

• March + April | Top read: Obsidio (The Illuminae Files #3) by Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman
• May + June | Top read: Neanderthal Opens the Door to the Universe by Preston Norton
• July + August | Top read: The Rook (The Checquy Files #1) by Daniel O'Malley

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TL;DR: Thank you for sticking with me while I've been flaky. I hope to be back soon.

Until then, you can find me over at Forever Young Adult, and on the various social medias. *waves toward the upper-right corner of the blog*

<3!

Haiku Revieu | Avengers: Infinity War

Avengers: Infinity War
★★★★½

So many people
How is my heart still beating
Is it next year yet

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The Avengers and their allies must be willing to sacrifice all in an attempt to defeat the powerful Thanos before his blitz of devastation and ruin puts an end to the universe.

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This is a hard review to write, y'all.

A month later, and I'm still reeling from this film.

I mean, I had an inkling going in that not everyone was going to make it. But I wasn't prepared for that. (Since it's only been a month, I'll refrain from spoilers here, but those of you who've seen Infinity War—and if you haven't, what are you doing?—know exactly what I'm talking about.) Sure, I'm positive that a lot of what happened at the end will be undone, somehow, in Avengers 4, but that doesn't exactly make anything easier at this moment in time.

Nor does the stuff that likely won't get undone.

That said, I really loved this movie. I've been telling people that it's more Captain America: Civil War than Thor: Ragnarok, but like any good Marvel movie, it brings both the humor and the tears. Early on, I had my reservations on how a movie with this many personalities involved would work. But the dynamics between all of the characters are fabulous, and the way they flow between the various parts of the MCU franchise seems almost effortless. Even the most "standalone" of the MCU characters—i.e., Doctor Strange—meshes into the larger universe like it's no big thing. (He and Tony's animosity was particularly delightful to watch.) 

I really have to applaud all the people behind the scenes who made this happen. I don't know that I consider Infinity War the greatest crossover of all time, considering how much crossing-over took place before this film, but I certainly recognize how much work has gone on in the decade since the MCU started to make such a movie possible.

Some quick, not-too-spoilery highlights:

• Steve's "on-the-run" look. HERE FOR IT.
• Thor's intital meeting with the Guardians of the Galaxy.
• Shuri's dressing down of Bruce/the tech that makes Vision who he is.
• Steve and Groot's meet cute.
• Everything Peter says.
• Everything Drax says.
• The subversion of the "dwarf" stereotype.
• Loki's "redemption" (?)
• That moment with Natasha, Wanda, and Okoye
• Every one of our heroes being Heroes
• The post-credits scene

(I'm sure I'm forgetting something.)

Do I have a few complaints? Sure: Black Widow has never been used to her full potential, and I don't get the blonde. (It's maybe a disguise, OK, but no one else went that far.) Thanos's universe domination plot is FILLED with holes. Where were Valkryie, Korg, Ant-Man, or Hawkeye? Shuri and Peter never made plans to take over the world (and snatch control from the olds). And, natch, all that I mentioned at the start of this post.

But overall, the MCU continues to impress me, and I'm still proud to be such a massive stan. I'm DREADING what's to come, but have faith that it'll all be OK¹.

Check it out:

¹ OK is such a subjective term, but even if my heart gets broken again, I trust that the reasons for whatever happens will make sense in the end.

Haiku Revieu | Ready Player One

Ready Player One
★★¾

Wade Watts is The One
Ladies don't get much to do
Not a great copy

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When the creator of a virtual reality world called the OASIS dies, he releases a video in which he challenges all OASIS users to find his Easter Egg, which will give the finder his fortune.

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It's been a while since I saw this movie (like two months ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ), but I wanted to play catch up on my somewhat recent trips to the theater, and this was at the top of the list.

Let me preface this review with the fact that I didn't love Ready Player One, the book. I thought it was a fun novel, and I enjoyed all of the nerdy pop culture references—even if I didn't get all of them—but I really disliked Artemis' character and their "romance." (It felt very self-satisfying, as though author Ernest Cline was putting a fantasy to paper, rather than thinking about how to make their romance believable.)

I felt much the same way about the film adaptation. Fast-paced and great nerdy references, but terrible lack of depth to the female characters, even though I do appreciate that Artemis got more to do. The romance was actually worse in the movie, if you can believe it. I also didn't like the changes they made to the secondary characters; they had semi-fleshed out backstories in the books that were nonexistent in the movie.

Like I said, however, the many, many, pop culture references included in the film were impressive. I guess it pays to snag a director like Steven Spielberg, who just maybe has some connections. Tye Sheridan was a good Wade/Parzival. Lena Waithe could have been amazing as Aech, were she given more to do. And Ben Mendelsohn was great as Krennic Sorrento. (He has a very punchable mid-management type face.)

I tried not to go into this movie expecting a perfect adaptation, and I wasn't disappointed. I just had hopes that the few things I found fault with in the book would have been addressed or improved.

Check it out:

Haiku Revieu | Love, Simon

Love, Simon
★★★★1/2

Heartwarming and fun
Harkens back to old rom-coms
Important movie

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Simon Spier keeps a huge secret from his family, his friends, and all of his classmates: he's gay. When that secret is threatened, Simon must face everyone and come to terms with his identity.

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I read Becky Albertalli's Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda—the YA book that Love, Simon is based on—a couple of years ago for FYA Book Club, and I loved it. It's a super sweet, funny coming-of-age novel about a young man who isn't quite sure how to reveal to the world that he's gay. And from the moment I heard that it was going to be a movie, I was on board. Hesitant, because it's such a great novel, and we all know how adaptations can go, but excited for Simon to get his day on the big screen.

Happily, I can say that my hesitations were pretty much for naught, because Love, Simon is a fantastic adaptation—and an all-around delight of a movie.

The movie is very reminiscent of romantic comedies of old, with a freshening up for today's audiences. (I've seen it described as John Hughes-ian, which I think is very apt.) It's cute and awkward (SO AWKWARD) in equal amounts, and you'll find yourself falling in love with Simon, his friends and his family from the very start.

Nick Robinson—a current YA film go-to—is adorable as Simon. He's not a stereotype, and I think anyone can see their own early identity investigations in his, regardless of whether they're a young gay man. His struggles, while not universal, are believable and honest; they resonate. Simon's parents, played by Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhamel, are brilliant (even though it's somewhat hard to watch the two play parents) and are involved in some of the most moving moments of the movie.

As Simon's email relationship with Blue (an anonymous guy at Simon's school who's also hiding the fact that he's gay) progresses, it's easy to get swept up in the romance of it all. You'll cheer, you'll shed a tear, and you'll be all the better for it.

Definitely get to the theater to see this movie, and show the powers that be that representation matters!

Check it out:

P.S.—I also highly recommend reading the book, but maybe not right before or after you see the film.

Haiku Revieu | Annihilation

Annihilation
★★1/2

Pretty visuals
More scary than suspenseful
The book was better

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A biologist signs up for a dangerous, secret expedition where the laws of nature don't apply.

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I made the mistake of reading the book version of Annihilation right before seeing the movie. I really enjoyed the suspense of the book and the very unique way it was written. I knew that it wouldn't translate exactly, but I was super interested in seeing what made it from the page to the screen. Unfortunately, aside from the high-level ideas, the movie was very different. And not one that appeals to me. I won't go into depth on the differences, because spoilers, but take my advice and don't read the book before seeing the movie. (I can't say if reading it after would be good or not, but I'd be curious to hear from anyone who goes that route.)

Visually, the movie was really beautiful, in a creepy and intensely graphic way. I'm not really a horror fan, and was surprised at the level of scary in the film; the book, while suspenseful, didn't come across what I think of as horror. (I don't read much of the genre, however, so I could be mistaken.) Ultimately, the combination of the strange plot and the creep factor made me feel more uncomfortable than anything. I think my initial review to Colt after leaving the theater was, "well, that was disturbing."

I did like the cast and the fact that the only dudes in the movie were secondary characters. (The same can be said about the book; in fact, the men play even less of a role.) I'm here for more lady-led films that aren't romantic or "girl's night" comedies or traditional "chick movies." There's nothing about the main characters in Annihilation that necessitated them being played by women—other than that they were in the book—and it's nice to see this sort of representation in film. I'm all about bucking the norms.

I know a lot of people whose opinions I trust have seen and loved this movie, but it's just not my cup of tea.

Check it out:

Haiku Revieu | Black Panther

Black Panther
★★★★★

Representation
Wakanda forever
Shuri is the best

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T'Challa, the King of Wakanda, rises to the throne in the isolated, technologically advanced African nation, but his claim is challenged by a vengeful outsider who was a childhood victim of T'Challa's father's mistake.

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It's been a little more than a month since I saw Black Panther, but it's impact remains fresh in my mind. The hype is definitely real with this one; it's one of the best Marvel movies to date—and stands on its own as an excellent film, not "excellent for a superhero movie." (Side note: I hate that descriptor. Just because movies have superheroes in them, or space battles or faeries or whatever, doesn't mean they can't be just as impactful as all those "serious" ones.)

Although we were introduced to T'Challa and Wakanda in Captain America: Civil War, we really get to know the character, his family and friends, and the amazing place that is Wakanda in Black Panther. It expands the MCU, in a figurative sense, immensely; the culture and the colors and the music and the people are all so different than what's come before, and it's so, so welcome. Yes, I'm a privileged white American woman, but I understand how deeply representation matters, and the portrayal of Wakandan culture made me tear up with happiness. As much as I love the MCU, it's about damn time that someone other than a white man gets to be front and center.

That said, it's not just T'Challa who shines bright in this movie—though Chadwick Bosman does a fantastic job—his support system is made up of amazing women who steal the show; particularly Leticia Wright as Shuri and Danai Gurira as Okoye. As the canon smartest person in the MCU, Shuri is an amazing role model for young women everywhere, and Wright played her perfectly as the "kind of annoying, but totally awesome" little sister. Okoye belongs in the Badass Ladies Hall of Fame alongside Diana of Themyscira, and Gurira has such presence onscreen. I'd be remiss not to mention Lupita Nyong'o and Angela Bassett, too, whose characters show that Wakanda is an advanced civilization in more ways than just technology.

Another standout was Winston Duke's M'Baku, who shows a range of character growth in a short period of time. And Michael B. Jordan was killer (heh) as Erik Kilmonger; charismatic and intelligent, he's the kind of villain who makes it easy to see why some people root for the bad guys.

The characters aren't the only thing I liked about Black Panther, mind you. I was also super impressed with the variety of African cultures the filmmakers incorporated into the movie. The settings and costumes were absolutely stunning, and helped Wakanda skyrocket up my list of fictional places I'd love to visit. In a visual sense, Black Panther is more akin to the Guardian of the Galaxy movies and Thor: Ragnarok than the other main Avengers films. It's a delight for the senses.

I couldn't be happier than Black Panther is doing so well, and I really hope Hollywood takes note. (They'd be stupid not to, but ... you know.) Have you seen it yet? If not, what are you waiting for?!

Check it out:

Haiku Revieu | The Shape of Water

The Shape of Water
★★★★1/2

Of monsters and men
Surprisingly sexual
A sweet love story

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At a top secret research facility in the 1960s, a lonely janitor forms a unique relationship with an amphibious creature that is being held in captivity.

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I've been looking forward to seeing The Shape of Water since I first heard about it, and we finally got to the theater earlier this month to see it. I typically really enjoy Guillermo del Toro unique style of filmmaking, and something about the idea of this movie really struck me.

You'll notice that I mentioned the surprisingly sexual nature of the film in the haiku above. I mention this, not because it was done for shock factor, but because I think the trailers give off a "this is a sweet love story" more than "this is a sweet love story between two of-age individuals who have adult urges." One of my coworkers actually said that they thought it was a kid's movie—which, no—and the people sitting next to us in the theater had brought their pre-teen or early-teen son. (That kid is likely scarred for life; not because of the sexual scenes, but because he had to watch them with his parents.)

The Shape of Water definitely feels like a del Toro film. It's a period fantasy piece with strong, well-developed characters and a dreamy quality that, although I was left with questions at the end, made me hopeful in the power of the story's magic. It's a statement on how "monsters" are often more "human" than actual humans, and how love is love is love, regardless of what outsiders might think or judge.

Sally Hawkins is wonderful as Elisa, and does so well at emoting without being able to talk. The expressions on her face, and her body language, do all the talking for her. Her character is truly unique. Octavia Spencer's Zelda is adorably sassy, and a true friend, and Richard Jenkins's Giles is both heartbreaking and heartwarming. Unsurprisingly, Doug Jones is perfect as the monster; if we ever met in real life, I think I'd be surprised if his mannerisms didn't trend toward the alien. And Michael Shannon was amazing as the villanous Richard Strickland. I hate that guy with all my being, but he's never flat and honestly fascinating in a "serial killers are facsinating" kind of way.

This film definitely lived up to the hype, both that in my own head and of the general public.

Check it out:

Haiku Revieu | Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Star Wars: The Last Jedi
★★★

Transitional film
I wanted more backstory
But I do love Porgs

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Rey develops her newly discovered abilities with the guidance of Luke Skywalker, who is unsettled by the strength of her powers. Meanwhile, the Resistance prepares for battle with the First Order.

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It's been nearly a month since I first saw The Last Jedi in theaters, and honestly? I still don't quite know how I feel about the movie. I know people who love it, and I know people who compare it to the prequels (which I think might be going a little too far). There were parts that I loved, and parts that I didn't like. I'm struggling, friends.

My biggest issue is that it very much felt like a film that wasn't vital to the larger story. A lot of what was set down in The Force Awakens seemed to be tossed out the window without much care, and I worry that Episode 9 will try to get those things back, making The Last Jedi this weird transitional film that ultimately didn't do much. Other things I didn't enjoy:

• The Canto Bight storyline. More Finn? Yes! Rose Tico? YES! But them going off and doing their own thing took me out of the larger plot, especially when it ultimately turned out to be sort of useless. (Thanks for nothing, Benicio del Toro.) Also, was there more to the woman (Lily Cole) standing next to the master codebreaker than we were privy to?
• Luke's snotty attitude (and the weird milking moment). I get that he wanted to be left alone. I get that he was reeling from Kylo's turn to the dark side. I get that he's always been a bit of a brat. But the jokey way he tossed the lightsaber behind him when Rey handed it to him totally diverged from the feeling I got from the end of The Force Awakens. It was jarring, and felt cheap.
• The cat and mouse chase between the First Order and the Rebel ships. Sure, it paid off awesomely in that kamikaze scene at the end, but what was stopping the First Order from jumping to the other side of the Rebel ships? Or calling in reinforcements? It's not like the Rebel ships were going to get away if they stopped looking for a second.
• Snoke and Phasma's seemingly useless deaths. Them dying kind of unceremoniously made it seem like neither character was necessary to the larger plot, and it's a shame. (That said, they might not actually be dead, and show up again. We'll see ...)
• And, related: The lack of character backstory. I try to remind myself that I didn't know much of anything about Emperor Palpatine when all I'd seen was the original trilogy; it wasn't until the prequels and the extended universe books that I learned more. I feel like movie-going audiences expect—and deserve—more these days, however, and inserting a new character (i.e. Holdo) without explaining really anything about who she is except a throw-away line about her being involved in some "famous" battle just feels cheap. (If you're interested, you can learn more about her in Claudia Gray's book, Leia: Princess of Alderaan.)

Like I said, though, there were things I really liked. A few examples:

• Princess Leia showing her force powers. Just 'cause she's not a Jedi has never meant that she's not a badass Force wielder.
• The character growth, Finn's and Poe's in particular. Finn's gone from being all about himself, to all about Rey, to a slogan-saying, full-fledged member of the Rebellion. (Total fist-pump moment, y'all.) And Poe was taken down a peg or two to show him humility and what it takes to be a true leader. (Just in time for Episode 9.)
• Representation for more than just white dudes. Anytime I saw a woman in a position of power—or, really, doing anything—I got choked up. Even at 34, I'm still looking for women to be major parts of my favorite
• The lightsaber battle between Kylo and Rey and Snoke's guards. Beautiful choreography! And, though I'm not a Reylo shipper, I love the enemistry between them. Their little mental chats were pretty delightful.
• Yoda's gleeful trolling. I didn't realize how much I missed that little green dude's sass.
• The Porgs. Yes, I'm one of those fans.

In the end, I'm giving the movie a three-star rating, mostly because I continue to waffle between one end of the spectrum and the other.

Have you seen the movie? What did you think?

Check it out:

Haiku Revieu | Thor: Ragnarok

Thor: Ragnarok
★★★★★

The end of Asgard?
Waititi's Thor is stellar
Oh hai, Loki <3¹

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Imprisoned, the almighty Thor finds himself in a lethal gladiatorial contest against the Hulk, his former ally. Thor must fight for survival and race against time to prevent the all-powerful Hela from destroying his home and the Asgardian civilization.

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When I first heard that Taika Waititi was going to direct the third Thor movie, my response was: "huh." I didn't love What We Do in the Shadows, and wasn't familiar with much of his other work, but I knew it was quirky—and a quirky Thor film would be very far removed from Kenneth Branagh's Thor. I didn't see how a more comedic Thor would really work with the preceding two, but I understood that the MCU powers-that-be wanted to move it closer to the feel of Guardians of the Galaxy. After seeing the first trailer, however, I was more excited than hesitant. And after seeing the movie, I am utterly and completely sold.

I LOVED Thor: Ragnarok. It's far and away the best of the Thor movies, and it easily took a spot in my top 5 MCU movies. Waititi found a perfect balance between silly humor and serious moments, and the changes he made to familiar characters only made them better. Chris Hemsworth's comedic timing shines; Hulk actually as a personality; Tessa Thompson's Valkyrie is flawed and fabulous; and Tom Hiddleston's mastery of the mischievous is yet again perfect. (Side note: THAT BLACK SUIT THO.) The addition of Jeff Goldblum as Grandmaster was delightful, regardless of the fact that the character was pretty much just Goldblum being Goldblum. Cate Blanchett was wonderfully over-the-top dramatic as Hela; it would be really hard not to want to follow her charismatic brand of evil. And Waititi's Korg totally stole the show. The volume of quotable dialogue in the movie—and eventual volume of GIFfable moments—is second-to-none.

Watching Hulk and Thor battle it out while being the Grandmaster's pawns was so much fun. Prior to this movie, I wouldn't have thought they'd work so well together without the rest of the Avengers, but Ragnarok has a surprising buddy comedy vibe that worked well with all the action. Unsurprisingly, I also adored the amount of Loki that Waititi graced us with, as well as the genuine moments of brotherly love/brotherly hate between Thor and Loki. Loki's a complex character, and I an thankful that Waititi took the time to examine his anti-hero (not villain) aspects.

I will say that the Hela/Ragnarok storyline was a little rushed, and her defeat a little too easy. I also worry about Loki backsliding from his "I want to be a good guy but just can't help myself sometimes" new outlook on life thanks to that scene with the [REDACTED] close to the end. But that's just me picking nits.

I can't recommend seeing this movie enough. Give me a shout if you're heading to a theater—I'd happily go with you!

Check it out:

¹ This is pronounced "heart," in this usage, not "less than three."

Haiku Revieu | Blade Runner 2049

Blade Runner 2049
★★★★

Pretty and quiet
Hey girl, we made a sequel
Ford is in it, trust

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A young blade runner's discovery of a long-buried secret leads him to track down former blade runner Rick Deckard, who's been missing for thirty years.

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Disclaimer: It's been a while since I saw this movie, so this review might be less articulate and thoughtful than it could be.

Until the night before we were going to see Blade Runner 2049, I'd never seen the original Blade Runner all the way through. I know, GASP. I'd seen parts and pieces, and read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (the Phillip K. Dick novel the movie's based on), so I knew the gist. But watching it right before seeing the sequel was a great idea; I wasn't nearly as lost as I might have been, and actually understood some of the hidden nods.

Blade Runner 2049 was a visually stunning movie, and really feels like an extension of the original, even all these years later. It uses similar technology, even though technology has changed drastically; I really appreciated the attempts to make it match, even thought they could have made everything much more "cool." The dated tech fits with the dystopian nature of the film. The sets and costumes also match well. The movie's treatement of women is somewhat problematic, but it too fits with the original. (Not making excuses, mind you. Just stating facts.)

Ryan Gosling makes for a good Deckard ancestor: he's quiet, reserved, and brooding, just like Harrison Ford's character in the original. It was also great to see Ford reprise the role, but Old Deckard kind of just seemed like Old Harrison Ford? Jared Leto was crazy, as expected, and creepy as heck as Niander Wallace. (Side note: I can't even imagine having to work with Leto.)

The plot held some twists and turns, which kept me interested in what is a very long time to sit in a theater for a movie that's not fast-paced. Honestly, my biggest complaint is the length of the film, and that's only because about halfway through, I found myself thinking about how long I'd been sitting there and the fact that Ford had yet to show up. It took me out of the viewing experience.

If you're a fan of the original or quiet science fiction films, I'd recommend giving this a go. If you find yourself thinking about when Ford will show up, please let me reassure you that it does eventually happen.

Check it out:

Haiku Revieu | American Assassin

American Assassin
★

Poor acting and plot
This movie is terrible
Don't bother with it

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After the death of his girlfriend at the hands of terrorists, Mitch Rapp is drawn into the world of counterterrorism, mentored by tough-as-nails former U.S. Navy S.E.A.L. Stan Hurley.

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Disclaimer: It's been a while since I saw this movie, so this review might be less articulate and thoughtful than it could be.

I went to see American Assassin on a whim—a friend bought tickets and invited us. I'd heard some friends rave about the movie, and although it's not the typical kind of film I go see in the theater, I was willing to give it a chance. Plus, we didn't have other plans that evening.

From pretty much the very beginning of the film, I found myself cringing. The movie is overtly "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH" and leans into the "brown people are the enemy" trope in a really lazy way. It tries to circumvent said trope with the actual villains of the film, who are—spoiler alert—white American men, but by the time it gets around to that reveal, the damage is already done. The action sequences are typical and the plot obvious. Had it leaned into the cheese, I might have liked it more, but this movie takes itself very seriously.

It was really hard for me to take Dylan O'Brien seriously in the main character role. He's supposed to be a "super spy," but either he's not a great actor or the character is just a really crappy spy. And then there's Taylor Kitsch, whose appeal I've never understood. (Don't @ me.) Also, poor guy's hairline is flat out running from his eyebrows, and thinking about that had me distracted for most of the movie. (Which, maybe, was actually a good thing?) The other characters are either ridiculously over dramatic—in the case of Michael Keaton's Stan Hurley—or flat stereotypes.

As the credits rolled, our friends and we looked at each other, and the one who'd bought the tickets actually apologized. (In case you're wondering, we're still friends.) If you didn't catch this one in theaters, good on ya.

Check it out:

Haiku Revieu | The Hitman's Bodyguard

The Hitman's Bodyguard
★★★

Deadpool and Windu
They drop the f-bomb a lot
Good "odd couple" laughs

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The world's top bodyguard gets a new client, a hit man who must testify at the International Court of Justice. They must put their differences aside and work together to make it to the trial on time.

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Disclaimer: It's been a while since I saw this movie, so this review might be less articulate and thoughtful than it could be.

The Hitman's Bodyguard is one of those movies that comes out of nowhere and quietly goes in and out of theaters. It's a bit surprising, considering the caliber of talent in it—Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson and Salma Hayek—but I don't remember seeing much in the way of promotion before getting an email about attending a pre-release screening.

Reynolds being one of Colt's faves, we couldn't pass up the opportunity. And we both enjoyed the movie, perhaps more than we thought we would. Reynolds and Jackson played delightfully well off of each other, and their quippy dialogue was a lot of fun. Hayek's character was quite far removed from other roles I've seen her play, and hearing her curse up a storm while sporting a lot of (prison?) tattoos was great.

The plot was pretty standard for the sort of thriller/action movie that it was, but it had a few twists that made it enjoyable.

If you see this one airing on TV at some point, I recommend giving it a watch. (Though, if it's on cable, it might lose some of its magic with all the curse words dubbed out ...)

Check it out:

Haiku Revieu | Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
★★1/2

A pretty movie
Dane DeHaan is terrible
Haven’t I seen this?

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A dark force threatens Alpha, a vast metropolis and home to species from a thousand planets. Special operatives Valerian and Laureline must race to identify the marauding menace and safeguard not just Alpha, but the future of the universe.

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Special thanks to Colt, who provided the haiku for this review.

Full disclosure: We went to see Valerian in theaters  out of curiosity, because we thought it was the kind of movie that would be better, visually, on the big screen, rather than actually wanting to see it. With such low expectations, we had an enjoyable time, but it's still a pretty dang terrible film.

Thanks, for the most part, to Dan DeHaan's Valerian. I've seen Dane in other roles, and never thought he was amazing, but Valerian is flat-out awful. He makes Cara Delevigne's Laureline look good, and if you've seen Suicide Squad, you know that this is impressive. He's uncomfortably, laughably bad in the role, and it's super hard to picture him as a dashing space soldier/rogue. He's definitely better suited as the somewhat creepy maybe villain à la Harry Osborne.

The movie also suffers from many moments that are just too similar to The Fifth Element to be coincidence, given that both were directed by Luc Besson. I understand that Luc took a lot of influence from the Valerian comics for The Fifth Element, but that movie's too well-known (and too good) to get away with copying scenes/ideas.

All that said, the movie is pretty—lots of outerspace, futuristic tech and funky aliens—and I am glad we saw it on the big screen. The CG wasn't terrible, for the most part, and there's something to be said for movies that begin like Valerian does, with disparate people coming together in peace and creating something awesome to achieve a common goal. (I find the idea of peace with extraterrestrials a much preferable one to that of aliens who just want to destroy us.)

Just don't say I didn't warn you about the acting.

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Haiku Revieu | Atomic Blonde

Atomic Blonde
★★★1/2

Charlize is a BAMF
McAvoy's unexpected
Set in the 80s

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An undercover MI6 agent is sent to Berlin during the Cold War to investigate the murder of a fellow agent and recover a missing list of double agents.

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After her role as Furiosa in Mad Max: Fury Road, it's no surprise that Charlize Theron is an action star. And if you had any doubt, watching her fight scenes in Atomic Blonde will get rid of any doubts that might be lingering. She is impressive in the fight scenes, and knowing that she did a lot of her own stunt work in the film makes it even more so.

That said, her character (Lorraine) is not all that interesting. Which makes the movie suffer some, considering it revolves around her and her role as a badass spy. The movie tries to make her interesting by surrounding her with intriguing secondary characters, but it never quite gets there.

Speaking of secondary characters, James McAvoy is great in this film. No spoilers, but I like how his character (Percival) lives in a gray area and has, to use a somewhat problematic term, "gone native." He's fascinating, and I wish Percival and Lorraine had had more screen time together. I also enjoyed Sofia Boutella's Delphine and—surprisingly?—Bill Skarsgård's Merkel. I would enjoy seeing Atomic Blonde sequels with Merkel as Lorraine's Q.

The most surprising thing about Atomic Blonde was the time period—even after watching the trailer, I was surprised to discover it was set in the late 1980s, right before the fall of the Berlin wall. Because of this setting, the movie is very stylized and gorgeously retro, but it's funny how well it would have fit into the present, aside from the whole Cold War storyline, natch. (I want many of Lorraine's outfits.) The movie did a good job at keeping its secrets, too; most of the twists weren't super obvious or foreshadowed too clearly.

All in all, I liked Atomic Blonde, but I didn't love it. I think part of my problem is that I went into the movie wanting another John Wick, in which the main character kicks ass and doesn't bother to take names, while being intriguing and engaging regardless of a lack of dialogue. It tried to reach that level of entertainment, but just missed the mark.

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Haiku Revieu | Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man: Homecoming
★★★★¾

No more origins
Peter is adorable
Tom is my Spidey

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Peter Parker, with the help of his mentor Tony Stark, tries to balance his life as an ordinary high school student in New York City while fighting crime as his superhero alter ego Spider-Man when a new threat emerges.

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I'll fully admit to rolling my eyes when I heard that we were getting yet another Spider-Man, so close on the heels of the Andrew Garfield film (which were so close on the heels of the Tobey Maguire ones ...). But after seeing Tom Holland in the role in Captain America: Civil War, I was on board. And after seeing more of him in Spider-Man: Homecoming, I have to say: I think Tom's by far my favorite Peter.

Spider-Man: Homecoming isn't another origin story, and I'm very thankful for that. Instead, it delves more into the person behind the mask, and shows how much of a regular kid Peter Parker truly is. Sure, he occasionally gets to fight alongside (or against, as the case may be) the Avengers, but he also deals with serious teenager things like crushes, homework, and Academic Decathalon meets. Holland plays him to an absolute T—it's hard to believe that he's 21 in real life—and brings a new energy to the role that hasn't ever been there before.

The movie also benefits from the tie-in to the larger Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), and I don't think that's just me, the massive MCU fan, saying that. The movie felt more cohesive, and they toned down the cartoony elements that, although fun, made the other sets of movies feel more silly than serious. Not that Spider-Man: Homecoming is all that serious, mind you, but the humor and the occasional bit of more thoughtful, darker plot in the film meld very well. (Like the other MCU movies. Not that I like to harp on things or anything.) Plus: I love that Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) got more screen time, and watching Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) attempt to act like a father figure was hilarious in itself.

I really dug the villain twist, too. No spoilers, but I didn't see it coming at all.

I do have a couple of nitpicks: I don't think the movie showcased enough of Peter's intelligence, choosing instead to focus on his spidey skills. (That said, does he have the "normal" spidey senses? A friend brought this up in a post-viewing discussion of the movie, and it's a good question, since they never really talked about Peter's powers. I just sort of assumed that everything, power-wise, was the standard stuff.) And then there's the whole thing with Zendaya's character—highlight for spoilers—why name her Michelle if she's playing MJ (which stands for Mary Jane, for those not in the know)? That "reveal" was all-too-reminiscent of the "Benedict Cumberbatch IS NOT PLAYING KHAN, but he's totally playing Khan" debacle of '13.

I'll be interesting to see where Sony takes the Spider-Man universe from here, now that new life has been breathed into the franchise.

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Haiku Revieu | Baby Driver

Baby Driver
★★★★1/2

Baby drives the car
The crazies take the money
Music runs the show

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After being coerced into working for a crime boss, a young getaway driver finds himself taking part in a heist doomed to fail.

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I knew very little about Baby Driver going into the movie, even though I'd watched the trailer. I did know that it was an Edgar Wright film, however, and being a fan of his other films—The Cornetto Trilogy, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, etc.—I wanted to see it regardless. And I'm very glad I did; the movie is a total delight, and a unique one at that.

First of all, the music in this movie is fantastic—and there's a lot of it. Baby (Ansel Elgort) listens to songs through his various iPods for the entire film, and there are more song lyrics than actual dialogue. (I think, don't quote me on that.) The music is in itself a character, and is used in a way that adds so much emphasis and complexity to an otherwise pretty simple story. Without the music, Baby Driver would be just another heist movie. A fun one, mind you, thanks to the characters, but nothing spectacular.

Ansel does a great job at the quiet, reserved Baby. He's also surprisingly lithe for such a tall dude, as shown by his dancing early on in the film. His soft-spoken nature is juxtaposed with the over the top antics of Buddy (Jon Hamm), Darling (Eiza González), and Bats (Jamie Foxx), who are all crazy, but in the best kind of (criminally insane) way. Kevin Spacey is great as the ringleader, Doc; he's the sort of guy that you wouldn't really notice if you passed him on the street, but getting on his bad side is the absolute worst thing you could do. Lily James is sweet as Debora, but I feel like pretty much any young actor her age could have played the role and it would have had the same impact. The real stand-out for me is CJ Jones as Baby's foster dad, Joseph. The man is ADORABLE.

I also really dug how the plot escalated toward the end. No spoilers, but it makes a lot of sense if you've seen other Edgar Wright films. It had me cackling in my seat. And the car chases were so great. It's hard to go wrong with some fancy driving antics, in my book.

I highly recommend seeing Baby Driver in theaters, both because it's a lot of fun and to show Hollywood that there's a definite interest in this kind of under-the-radar film.

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Haiku Revieu | Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman
★★★★½

Amazon badass
She needs no man (except Steve ...)
So much girl power

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Before she was Wonder Woman, she was Diana, princess of the Amazons and trained warrior. When a pilot crashes and tells of conflict in the outside world, she leaves home to fight a war to end all wars, discovering her full powers and true destiny.

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Thanks to vacation and then a nasty cold, I didn't get to see Wonder Woman until more than a week after it came out. (That might seem like not a lot of time, but it's unusual for me with this sort of movie.) I tried my best to avoid spoilers, but couldn't help hearing the many, many positive feelings about the film, from both critics and friends. Those opinions bolstered my already high hopes for the movie, and—for the most part—I wasn't at all disappointed.

I really liked the way the movie was an origin story, but didn't feel completely removed from the rest of the DC movie universe (regardless of how I feel about those movies). Having Diana basically intro the story tied this movie, which is a historical piece, to Wonder Woman's intro in Batman v. Superman. Thankfully, because it was a historical piece, it stands on its own two, powerful feet. The WWI setting was also a pretty dang perfect backdrop for Diana's introduction to humanity, both its pros and cons. (Even though I've seen confusion over the whole Steve/Steve thing. 😜)

Gal Gadot was wonderful in the role of Diana. I'll totally admit to having reservations about her, but I also know when to admit that I was wrong. The way she played Diana as both fierce and more than a little naive was delightful. I found myself wanting to protect her from the evils of mankind at the same time that I was realizing she needed absolutely none of my help.

I loved seeing Themyscira, and the women who live there. They're unbelievably beautiful, and enviably strong, both physically and mentally. Their fight scene at the start of the film was jaw-dropping, and made me especially proud to be a woman (who might be capable of such skill and grace, given the opportunity).

Chris Pine's Steve Trevor was also fantastic. I've enjoyed Chris' past roles, but he's never been at the top of my Chris Ranking—until Steve Trevor. I appreciate how, even though he's a main character, he never overshadows Diana. (One of the many excellent feminist parts of the movie.) Although he begins the movie as a pretty typical dude, he's quick to realize how much he can step back and let her do her thing and offer support as she might need it.

My only complaints about the movie revolve around the villain, some of the CGI, and the fight scene at the end of the film. Working backwards: The fight scene felt overly produced, in a typical Zack Snyder sort of way. The CGI at times was really awful, particularly when Diana was leaping or fighting. She's a superhero, yes, but she can't stop time/pause mid-air for emphasis. And the reveal of the villain, although unexpected, felt strange. And—highlight for spoilers—David Thewlis' mustache was SUPER distracting. It was fine in WWII, but did Ares really sport that style of 'stache way back when? Methinks no.

Am I now waiting with baited breath for Justice League? Not at all. But I have a strong feeling that Wonder Woman will be the best part.

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